Daughter:Hey dad, can I get a new phone?
Dad:What's the magic word?
Daughter:Irene
Dad:Irene?
Daughter:Yeah, you know like the name of the girl you are having an affair with.
Dad:So did you say you wanted an iPhone or Android?
1 month ago
712 notes
andyfluffbutt:

japhers:

folwer:

but its important

IM SORRY BUT IM DYING THEY LOOK LIKE A BOY BAND


Why am I suddenly attracted to a cactus I hate this website

andyfluffbutt:

japhers:

folwer:

but its important

IM SORRY BUT IM DYING THEY LOOK LIKE A BOY BAND

Why am I suddenly attracted to a cactus I hate this website

(via buckybarnacle)

1 month ago
496,752 notes

hoeskimos:

are you the sun bc you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me

(via manda)

1 month ago
77,304 notes

Good wifi on the Hogwarts Express this year

neverknowinglybeserious:

a-hobbit-john:

hiiddles:

wife-of-loki:

MINE IS CRAPPY
WHAT CARRIAGE ARE YOU IN!??!?!

COME TO THE BACK 

THE SLYTHERINS HAVE HACKED DUMBLEDORE’S WIFI

1GB BITCHES

Thanks to the Ravenclaws, guys.

The password’s “AL0H4M0R4”
Pass it on. 

(Source: accioheadcanons, via buckybarnacle)

1 month ago
214,237 notes
Cigarettes burn and alcohol kills but then again so do your words

poyzn:

This is like installing Windows on a Mac.

(via wavesoftheworld)

1 month ago
632,159 notes

katara:

i’m not racist i love chinese food 

(via wavesoftheworld)

1 month ago
262,086 notes