Daughter:Hey dad, can I get a new phone?
Dad:What's the magic word?
Daughter:Irene
Dad:Irene?
Daughter:Yeah, you know like the name of the girl you are having an affair with.
Dad:So did you say you wanted an iPhone or Android?
2 weeks ago
708 notes
andyfluffbutt:

japhers:

folwer:

but its important

IM SORRY BUT IM DYING THEY LOOK LIKE A BOY BAND


Why am I suddenly attracted to a cactus I hate this website

andyfluffbutt:

japhers:

folwer:

but its important

IM SORRY BUT IM DYING THEY LOOK LIKE A BOY BAND

Why am I suddenly attracted to a cactus I hate this website

(via buckybarnacle)

2 weeks ago
450,251 notes

hoeskimos:

are you the sun bc you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me

(via manda)

2 weeks ago
77,228 notes

Good wifi on the Hogwarts Express this year

neverknowinglybeserious:

a-hobbit-john:

hiiddles:

wife-of-loki:

MINE IS CRAPPY
WHAT CARRIAGE ARE YOU IN!??!?!

COME TO THE BACK 

THE SLYTHERINS HAVE HACKED DUMBLEDORE’S WIFI

1GB BITCHES

Thanks to the Ravenclaws, guys.

The password’s “AL0H4M0R4”
Pass it on. 

(Source: accioheadcanons, via buckybarnacle)

2 weeks ago
213,341 notes
Cigarettes burn and alcohol kills but then again so do your words

poyzn:

This is like installing Windows on a Mac.

(via wavesoftheworld)

2 weeks ago
618,331 notes

katara:

i’m not racist i love chinese food 

(via wavesoftheworld)

2 weeks ago
254,781 notes